Apart from some punctuation errors here and there, a good piece of writing. Insightful and mature in this handling of emotion and relationships.

Notes:

1 had sufficed; she calmly put [comma needed here rather than a semi colon]

2. them in, besides she had little [full stop or semi colon needed here]

3. Nickolai in War and Peace [italicise book titles]

4. they feel[,]” her grandmother

This is quite a good essay in terms of its content. You focus on the theme quite well and support your points with useful reference to the text. However, you need to proof read your work very carefully. There are lots of errors such as those below which detract from the overall quality of your work and bring your grade down. Check punctuation in particular and also use of capital letters.

Notes:

1. of Nicholas Nickleby [use inverted commas for book titles: “Nicholas Nickleby” or italicise]


2. dotheboys [Dotheboys]

3. violence [,] abuse and

4. Mr & Mrs. squeers who are [Squeers]

5. scoundrel” Meaning that [meaning]

You will need to ensure that you don’t lift sentences and paragraphs from the internet. What you write must be in your own words or your work will be failed.

Notes:

1. the story-teller, the lumber room and Sredni Vashtar [‘The Story Teller’, The Lumber Room’ and ‘Sredni Vashtar’]

2. conradin assumes [Conradin]

3. boredom this runs through all [boredom. This runs through all]

4. “The Storyteller" is a cynical antidote to crude didacticism. An aunt is traveling by train with three of her nieces and nephews; a bachelor is sitting opposite. The aunt starts telling a story, but is unable to satisfy the curiosity of the children. The bachelor intervenes and tells a different kind of story which feeds their curiosity and imagination. The central character is unbearably good and in the end is devoured by a wolf, much to the delight of the bored children in the railway carriage.

You must write in your own words: this has been taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saki

5. Nicholas is portrayed as quite a stupid little boy after telling his aunt that there was a frog in his breakfast. But soon we discover that he put it there himself and as the story develops we see that Nicholas is much smarter than his aunt. He uses his punishment to his advantage by deciding to go into the lumber-room. Nicholas prepares every aspect of his plan so he won’t get caught; he even practises turning the key in a lock and leaving everything the way he found it.

6. You must write in your own words: this has been taken from:

www.freeessays.tv/b949.htm

Please resubmit using all your own words.

Quality of writing continues to be good. Close observation of emotions and relationships with dialogue and narrative well intertwined. This continues to be a good piece of work but punctuation of dialogue still missing commas on occasions and take care not to overload sentences.

Notes:

1. . She was sure God meant her and Michelle to be together and that he made Michelle heterosexual and her homo-asexual so that she would not be in a situation where she would be in a relationship and lie to her stepfamily about it besides which if she went out with a woman she would be dragging her girlfriend into the difficult family setup she herself had and her girlfriend too would be forced to act as bonder or peacemaker which was unfair. [this sentences is a little convoluted]

2. This meant that if she made any mistake in any of the work she was set in her courses it hit her ten times as hard as it would anyone else because she felt herself dragged away from the spiritual world back into the scientific, away from the woman she was in love with and the family she was passionate about and from the courses and interest areas she loved. [this one too]

3. is my great grandmother[,]”

4. completely still as the depression clouded over her. She lay absolutely still [reotion here – completely still/absolutely still]

5. Laura was absolutely still and silent, [and again]

6. before she could stoop herself [stop]

7. the truth about her reaction to her dad’s remarriage[,] she quickly backtracked

Sorry, this should have been a B grade.

Here are the comments again:

This has many very good qualities. It is thorough, analyses Shakespeare’s language in detail and supports all points with close reference to the text. What you need to do to improve on this is to work on weeding out all the minor errors that it contains. There are quite a number in your first few paragraphs. In fact your work seems to be much better once you start writing about the text in detail. In short, your coursework needs some close proof-reading and a bit of polishing up! Otherwise, very sound.


Notes:

1. Romeo and Juliet is a play [italicise book titles or use inverted commas: “Romeo and Juliet” is a play]
2. two start crossed lovers [star]
3. families have a on going [an ongoing]
4. in such a atrocious way. [an]
5. ‘a’ becomes ‘an’ when it comes before vowels (a,e,i,o,u]
6. dramatic violent changes [in Juliet] from
7. rebelling young woman. [rebellious]

Yes this is much better now. You write descriptively and with some warmth for your home town. Generally fluent and clear writing; still the odd mistake (see below) but generally sound.

Notes:

1. Preston is overcome by fun [‘Preston is full of fun’ or ‘teeming with fun…’?
2. West view leisure centre’ [West View Leisure Centre]
3. Preston is the ‘beacon fells’. [are the Beacon Fells]
4. I wish you will come to visit Preston [I hope you will come]
5. are an elder, adult or a [whether you are a senior citizen, adult or..