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My Personal Statement

1. This is far too short – it needs to be double the length.
2. You don’t say what subject(s) you are applying for – this should be at the start.
3. Assuming the chosen subject is in the drama/dance/music area, you need to write 3 or 4 sentences outlining your particular interests and strengths in these subjects.
4. You need to be very specific wherever possible – for example, what productions have you performed in?
5. You need to include something on your skills and give examples – e.g. teamwork, communication, leadership, initiative.
6. Delete the last sentence of the 1st paragraph – a negative statement should never appear in a PS.
7. Explain what is meant by H/W Club.
8. Last paragraph – delete all of the second sentence.
9. Add a short paragraph at the end – something like ‘I believe I have the necessary commitment and range of personal qualities to make a success of my chosen course’.

If you redraft your Statement in the light of these comments, I am of course happy to look at it again.

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Love for the Sake of a Bite

Hi jenna

This is an imaginative vampire story. It is good on description and atmosphere and has some intriguing elements to it which keep the reader interested. It does feel a little over-complicated at times - there's possibly too much happening for a short story of this length. Check for minor errors, especially punctuation, throughout.

Notes:

1. because of what he knew, Nerissa got the same [full-stop needed after 'new']

2. and over cast [overcast]

3. stopped in her thought track [awkward expression here]

4. breathing of this mystery follower [mysterious]

5. Nerissa thought to herself ‘that’s unusual to have glowing red eyes’ “GLOWING RED EYES” she screamed and began to [her thoughts here don't seem to convey the shock she would really feel]

6. Cole now entered through the East entrance of the now desolate wood. [repetition of 'now]

7. a reoccurring dream that she had nearly every night [recurring]

8. They haerd someone mutter something [heard]

9. was not right as Cole[']s spirit lifted from

Grade B

---- Original Message ----- From: <Studyzones@studyzones.com> To: <flanagan@mareham50.fsnet.co.uk> Sent: Monday, June 28, 2004 7:29 PM Subject: StudyZones work

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Euthanasia

lynaHi! I need some opinions! I need to know: 1) do u think euthanasia should be legalised? 2) when is it acceptable? 3) when is it unacceptable? 4) is turning off a person's life support machine euthanasia? Thank you!! Luv Jenny x x
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cityzenship

manaljavedI have CIT coursework to do:
and this coursework is about the MEDIA. I have to make a leaflet on IS THE MEDIA BIASED. thats wat the teacher said i hav 2 do. but i don't know wat iam delivering to the public. I don't know wat 2 i should write in the leafle.

help

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Cheaters on here!!

samson.moleyOK so I don’t wanna sound like a dobber or anything but has anyone noticed that a certain person on here is asking himself questions and then rewarding himself with the points by changing his id picture?

Do you reckon this is fair seen as though the rest of us are spending ages answering peoples questions just so he gets the points for a really stupid answer?

I think he may also be giving himself loads of sign in names.

Its really irritating cus last year this website was really good and helpful but some people keep asking stupid questions which put people off answering the proper questions.

Hope that doesn’t sound too terrible but its just irritating me!!!

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