Quite a good little story. Just check your punctuation here and there - note, there should be a comma BEFORE the speech marks when someone has finished talking. Also check that the words you use to describe the beach are appropriate. You seem to have two stories in one here - the argument with your sister and the one about the beach. It might have been better to focus on the second one on its own.

Notes:

1. “Come down Michael were going, to go[,]” my mum

2. “Alright I’m coming “, I replied [should be: “Alright I’m coming," I replied

3. for I long argument [after a long argument]

4. she replied back [you don't need to say 'back' when you use 'replied']

5. precised [should be 'precise' but is this the best word anyway here?]

You start off very well indeed with an excellent introduction, offering an overview , reference to previous works and a challenge to an established viewpoint. You offer a close analysis making effective use of quotations which are well integrated. Your expression is controlled, precise and sophisticated. You also show an excellent knowledge of historical and cultural background. Your conclusion shows great maturity and ends with a subtle and convincing point.

Excellent work.

Generally this is OK, Your facts are correct. However, at one point, you say "A second reason that pandas are endangered is because of where they live in the wild. Giant pandas are restricted to certain areas of China. " This does not really explain why they are endangered. The reason WHY they are restricted to certain areas of China is that they can only live in certain habitats - forests of bamboo and conifers. There are not many of these habitats and much of what was there has been destroyed to make places where humans can live. When looking at the Web, I have found the web site that you obviously used for your information. It is always better to look at several sites rather than just relying on one.